For God’s sake, dear

“Just say yes” me identifica tanto ahora. Just say there’s nothing holding you back, it’s not a test, nor a trick of the mind, only love.
Coz’ I’m acking and I know you are too.

Except I don’t. Maybe you’re not acking. And I’m the only one in love, like that Adele song.
Ugh this time sucks, I wish I knew how you feel. I wish I knew if you want this as much as I do. I wish I didn’t have to fight these thoughts every night. I’m not well.

There are few of us who are secure enough to be within love without proper encouragement

Charlotte Lucas was such a smart Austen character.

Sometimes I wonder if your encouragement is "proper"

I wonder if mine is...

But that is when I'm alone, at home...at night

that is now.

Coz' when I see you

Oh boy how easy it is to be within love then!

Your eyes, hair, freckles and smile seem encouragement enough

the way you speak about God and His children

when you reach out to take my hand across the table

I can almost hear my heart sing 

it sings a happy, simple song

a song about spring, and hearts and dogs and sunshine

a song about happy endings and merry beginings

a song about smiling babies and family dinners

about church mornings and late night prayers

about you and me growing old together.

And then we say goodbye...

and I come back to now

2018, July.

And we're not there yet

But maybe with proper encouragement...

Don't go wasting your emotion

Lay all your love on me 🎵

Dang that's a good song.

9 de octubre

Me junté con la Cono y la Kamo y fuimos a la librería Antártica. Nos frustramos por la baja calidad de los libros en la sección "literatura juvenil" y la Cono, en su frustración dijo

"Por esto sólo leo libros de personas muertas"

And I thought it was a genius thing to say. Made me laugh hard.

Sobre hacer ejercicio después de 3 semanas sin levantar un dedo.

Cara de agotamiento extremo y "uf" (The redness is strong on this one)

25 minutos de elíptica me dejaron con el pecho en las manos y un ardor de oídos tan fuerte que pensé que estaba sangrando.
Es increíble lo difícil que es conseguir un estado físico más o menos normal y lo fácil que es perderlo y volver al paso 1. Igual al paso 3...yo partí sintiéndome igual que ahora con 5 minutos de elíptica.
En fin, el punto es que ahora planeo hacer kind of a journal about this porque tengo una meta. Llegar a los 67 kg.
Voy en 72 y partí con 78 wich is nice. 5 kilos to go.
Esta meta se suma a mis otras metas: terminar civil en junio (o antes) y dar el grado a finales de agosto.
Also: terminar de leer la biblia completa en un año (1 de marzo del otro año se cumple el año)

God shall help me with every one of these goals :)

So, Semana 1 (20 de abril)

Excersise:
-After 25 minutes de elíptica I was virtually dead.
-45 push ups (wanted to throw up)
-Peso 72 kg

Estudio:
-Voy en la página 401 de 499 del libro de ramos pazos sobre obligaciones.
-Tema: extinción de las obligaciones.

Biblia:
-Voy en éxodo 31 / Salmos 89 / 1° de corintios 1

Toda circunstancia o alcance de nombres con personas vivas o muertas que figuren en esta historia, es sólo coincidencia y no tiene relación con la realidad.

I was in love with someone else. Someone who seemed perfect.
Everything about him made perfect sense with everything about me. Everything except his feelings.
I was in love with someone who didn't love me back. Not the way I wanted him to.
I was pining for him. I was listening to sad music for him. I was making sad stories in my mind for him and never bringing myself to write them because they were too dark. That's how bad it was.
I was screwed, and no one seemed to see it. No one seemed to know how deeply in dark love I was and how sad I felt one minute and how blissfully happy I felt the next.
Maybe that's what helped this story to be born in the first place.
It was a sunday funday when one of my friends talked to me about him. I didn't knew him then, I missed the chance because of food. That's who I am.
I let it go and didn't think  about him that much. I was busy thinking about the other one, the one I worked with, the one I laughed with, the one I cried for.
Weeks passed and my friend talked to me about him again. My friend was going to his church (yes, we all go to the church, we love Jesus and his Father) and wanted me to come with, because, you know, he thought that this guy was perfect for me for really silly reasons and such.
I said I'd go, I didn't have anything else to do since I had passed my exam a few days before. I was in a happy mood. Maybe that's what helped this story to be born in the first place.
I met him that saturday, he was talking to someone about something. The details don't seem important now. My friend went to him and I followed. When he introduced us, the guy smiled and kissed my cheek. That night we went to eat at his house, we talked until 4 am.
Next week I went to his church again by his invitation. I was with my friend.
The following week I went again. He didn't invited my friend.
Two months later we were talking almost every day through whatsapp. And then I realized I wasn't thinking romantically about the guy I made sad love stories for.
A year later we considered each other good friends. And the month after that he told me he thought I was the one. I got scared and didn't say anything back. He waited.
After six months I told him I thought it too. He was so happy he almost cried. He won't admit to it but I know what I saw.
I am in love with someone now, someone who is perfect.
Everything about him makes perfect sense with everything about me. Everything, feelings and all.
I am in love with someone who loves me back, the way I want him to.

---------------------------

a short story

-You have respiratory problems?
-No, I just find you incredibly atractive.

----------

This is all I can afford in this time economy.